Your Culture Grows in the Dark, Not in Meetings

I walked past our conference room the other day. On the wall, there is this nice, framed poster. It lists our 6 Core Values.

Ownership. Growth Attitude. Be Courageous. Be Frugal. Fight for the Greater Good. And my favorite: Have Fun. Yolo!

I think we spent weeks workshopping those words. We had meetings about them. We argued over fonts. We probably ordered pizza.

But looking at it yesterday, I realized something uncomfortable.

Sometimes, those posters aren’t our culture. Those posters are just wall art.

Real culture doesn’t happen in the bright light of a town hall meeting where everyone is nodding and drinking the company Kool-Aid.

Real culture grows in the dark.

The Shadow Conversation

It happens in the five minutes after the Zoom call ends.

The manager clicks “End Meeting.” The screen goes black.

Then, two employees pick up their phones to text each other. “Did you understand what he meant by that ‘strategic pivot’?” “No idea. Just keep doing what we’re doing.”

That text message is your culture.

If they are confused but afraid to ask, then “Be Courageous” is just ink on paper. Your actual culture is fear. If they are rolling their eyes at a new initiative, then “Ownership” is dead. Your actual culture is disengagement.

It doesn’t matter that the wall says “Have Fun. Yolo!” in bold letters. If people are dreading Sunday night because of Monday morning, the dark corners are telling the truth.

The “Micro” Moments

We leaders obsess over the big gestures. The offsite retreat. The holiday party.

But culture is actually built in the micro-interactions that nobody tracks on a spreadsheet.

It is how a senior manager talks to the receptionist when his coffee is late. It is what happens when a junior analyst makes a $500 mistake. Do they hide it? Or do they flag it?

If they hide it, it’s not because they are dishonest. It’s because they have learned (in the dark) that mistakes are punished, not solved.

You can preach “Growth Attitude” all day. But if the last guy who tried something new got yelled at in public, nobody is going to grow. They are going to keep their heads down.

You Can’t Legislate Vibes

I used to think I could “fix” culture with better policies. “People seem stressed. Let’s mandate ‘No Meeting Fridays’.”

But if I send emails at 9 PM on Friday, the policy is garbage. My behavior in the dark (the late-night email) overrides the policy in the light.

People don’t listen to what you say. They watch what you do when you think nobody is looking.

Turn on the Flashlight

So, stop polishing the mission statement. It’s fine. Leave it on the wall.

But start paying attention to the shadows.

Listen to the silence in meetings. (Who isn’t speaking? Why?) Look at how your team handles bad news. (Do they rush to tell you, or do they delay?)

That is where your company actually lives. If you don’t like what you see in the dark, no amount of posters is going to fix it.

Cheers,
Rupesh